


Dead Silence & Dead Set

by scapeartist



Category: Southern Vampire Mysteries - Harris
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-11
Updated: 2010-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-06 03:52:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scapeartist/pseuds/scapeartist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation overheard between Eric & Sookie where Eric proves he knows exactly what he is talking about followed by a companion piece about who was listening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dead Silence

"Seriously, Eric, do you even know what you are doing?"

"Sookie, how old am I?"

"Older than the stars in the sky. But this isn't something from the stone age you are dealing with. This is way newer than you."

"And?"

"And I don't think you know what you are doing."

"And I think you worry too much."

"It's not your house that's going to blow up if this goes horribly wrong."

"If we were at my house, this wouldn't even be an issue."

"Can't you just have one of your...your minions come do this?...Maybe I should call Bill. He'd know what to do."

"The hell you will. I can do this. And it would be a much more pleasant endeavor if you would go sit down in that chair and be quiet."

"Are you dismissing me?"

"No. I'm trying to get you to be quiet so I can concentrate."

"You wouldn't have to concentrate if you knew what you were doing."

"Would you like to do it yourself?"

"No."

"Then do us both a favor and. Be. Quiet."

"Did your fangs just drop? I can see your reflection, you know."

"No, they are safely tucked away. For the moment."

"Liar."

"You are testing my patience."

"Welcome to the club."

"..."

"It's not like I asked for this."

"I know that."

"...Are you done yet?"

"Does it look like I'm done yet?"

"I can't tell. You stopped moving."

"I'm just double checking something..."

"... Were you just mumbling about a red wire? Are you going to blow up my house?!"

"No more of my blood for you. Your hearing has become an impairment to me. And for the last time, no! I'm not going to blow up your house."

"You better not."

"However, I am reconsidering meeting the sun if you continue."

"Sorry."

"Hm."

"...Are you done _now_?"

"I believe so."

"My house will remain in one piece? And there will be no hospital visits in the near future?"

"Yes to the first and I'm not making any promises on the second, you trying woman. Just hand me that and watch."

"Here. Should I step back?"

"What's that phrase in your Bible? 'O, ye of little faith?'"

"I bet Jesus never had to worry about a vampire blowing up his house. And don't roll your eyes at me, Eric Northman. Now I know where Pam gets it from."

"Shush. Just sit down and watch."

"Where's that fire extinguisher? You know...just in case."

"You wound me."

"Oh, alright already. Let's see it. Make it so, Number One."

"..."

"Well, the picture is sure...vivid. But where's the sound? Shouldn't there be sound, Eric? Why can't I hear anything? The box clearly says 'surround sound.'"

"Maybe if you would stay silent for ten seconds..."

"I'll call Bill. He hooked up his home theater system and his Wii lickety-split. He could be here in a minute. Or less. Even better than Domino's....What are you doing, Eric?"

"You know what Bill cannot do?"

"What?"

"This....or this."

"Mmmmm...you are right about that. Maybe we don't need him after all."

"Uh uh. Besides, TV will just rot your brain. I've seen it happen."

"Ew. But you are so right. I prefer reading anyway..."

"You know what else we don't need?"

"Clothes?"

"Exactly."

"Oh. Well. I guess you do know what you're doing."


	2. Dead Set

"We've got to stop meeting like this."

"Tell me about it."

"Here. It's probably not warm enough."

"It never is. Thanks, though."

"You're welcome. Cheers."

"Cheers."

"What are they doing in there?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Not especially. Just making sure she's O.K."

"She doesn't need you checking up on her."

"Sure thing, Pot."

"Yes, well...If something goes wrong in there, I've got a much better chance of helping her."

"Be my guest. You go right ahead and jump on in there, loverboy. And when Eric kills you, I'll have a better chance all around. I'm all kinds of patient."

"..."

"... ... What the hell? Is Eric doing bomb disposal or something? What's got Sookie all in a snit?"

"Electronics. Eric bought her a home theater system for Christmas."

"Heh. And _he's_ putting it together? Did he give his hired hands the day off or something?"

"Something like that."

"How long has he been working at it?"

"Apparently long enough for Sookie to provoke him into threatening to meet the sun."

"Why didn't they just call you?"

"I offered after I picked everything up for Eric at Best Buy in Shreveport. He turned me down. Eric is under the impression he can do anything."

"Ah. So I noticed. Well, if this doesn't break them up, nothing will."

"Indeed."

"... ... Sounds like Eric's ready to show off. Again. Think he'll blow up the house?"

"..."

"Hehehheh...Well. That was worth the trip. Hey! Where you think you're going, Bill?"

"I'm going to offer—"

"Maybe you should—"

_*sigh*_

"—wait. Sounds like they are otherwise occupied now. That didn't take long."

_*cough*_

"Whatcha got there, Bill?"

"Audio cord. I appropriated it before I gave Eric the equipment."

"Fat lot of good that did you, huh?"

"Yes, Sam. Thanks. Your sympathy is overwhelming."

"Anytime. ... Looks like Sookie is in...ah...good hands tonight. I'm out of here."

"..."

"If you can stand losing one more time tonight, I'll race you across the cemetery."

"No, thank you."

"Suit yourself. See you again tomorrow?"

"More than likely."

THE END


End file.
